The discomfort and heaviness we are feeling are collective trauma and grief
In response to what is happening in the world regarding Israel & Palestine, I started to draft an Instagram post in hopes of helping even in just a tiny way when dealing with collective grief and trauma. I found myself surprised at how desensitized I am to witnessing traumatic events in this lifetime (because it keeps happening), and at the same time, my clinical focus, as a therapist, is in trauma, grief, and loss so a certain degree of emotional boundaries is much needed to do such heavy work.
War, mass shootings, and the unnecessary deaths of innocent people have unfortunately become so normalized and prevalent in our society. With the rise of social media, it is so easy to access gruesome images and videos; we are witnessing trauma so closely that it can truly impact us. At the same time, understanding the gravity and injustice of a traumatic event is also important. How can we hold both at the same time without further traumatizing ourselves?
The pandemic alone was a collective traumatic event where we watched the death toll rise every single day. This is NOT normal ya’ll! And yet no one talks about it anymore. In fact, in 2021, the CDC reported that anxiety and depressive symptoms (also a symptom of trauma) increased from 11% to 41.1%. On the other hand, being desensitized and numb to everything are also trauma reactions that can arise to protect ourselves from getting too overly attached and affected. For instance, many of my own clients are nurses and I have learned that this coping mechanism of desensitization and detachment is crucial to effectively help their patients especially those who are dying, it is an emotional boundary that they need to set. This is totally valid and it makes sense, but at the same time, we need to be mindful of this desensitization to collective trauma and grief.
What is collective trauma?
Hirschberger (2018) describes collective trauma as a “cataclysmic event that shatters the basic fabric of society” (p. 1). It is the psychological reaction to a traumatic event that affects and impacts entire groups of people like communities, nations, villages, and societies. Although the trauma is experienced collectively, individual responses vary. Some examples include the current Hamas terrorist attacks, 9/11, school mass shootings, and the COVID-19 pandemic to name a few.
What is collective grief?
This type of grief occurs when a collective group like a nation, community, society, or village experience extreme loss or extreme change due to natural disasters, war, terrorist attack, pandemics, mass shootings, or any event that leads to mass deaths/casualties, extreme change, or national tragedy. Grief is a multifaceted response which means that it can show up in many different ways (cognitively, emotionally, socially, physically, and spiritually).
There is no “right way to grieve,” grief shows up differently for each person, and there are no linear “stages of grief.” The stages of grief by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was based on her work with terminally ill patients (NOT grievers overall) and the “stages” they went through. These stages were later debunked by Kübler-Ross, herself, where she noted that the stages are not linear and some people may not experience any of the stages. It is harmful to spread this misinformation because it can be invalidating to grievers who don’t experience the stages of grief. As much as we would love it, there is no roadmap to grief.
Collective trauma + Collective grief
Yes, collective traumatic grief is a thing. This is when grief symptoms and trauma symptoms overlap. Feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, hypervigilance, anxiety, emotional overwhelm, survival mode, decreased concentration, anticipatory grief, and feeling unreal or out of the body are just a few examples of both grief and trauma symptoms that can show up during a collective traumatic event. There are times when even though we are not experiencing the trauma firsthand, witnessing the trauma can make us feel “off” and then confused about why we feel …. weird? The discomfort and the heaviness can be signs that you are experiencing collective trauma and/or collective grief. This feeling of being out of control can be the strongest at this point and can be very overwhelming.
How can I cope with collective grief and collective trauma?
As I have mentioned previously, there is no “right way to grieve.” But here are some recommendations to help you navigate these difficult times. Please take only what is helpful and feels right to you and leave what does not.
Label your feelings, normalize what you are feeling, and practice self-compassion. Your grief and anxiety are so valid. Naming what we are going through is a coping skill in itself. Often I hear clients call themselves “crazy” and I always challenge them by saying “Are you actually crazy or are you just grieving.” I understand what they mean but we don’t want to pathologize grief like it’s an atypical response when grief is a completely normal response. Even our trauma reactions are adaptive responses and a way that our brain has learned to protect ourselves. Now we can definitely find more sustainable ways to protect ourselves but there is no point in shaming ourselves for acting in survival and protective mode. Instead, let’s lead with self-compassion.
Take a break from the news. This refers to my question above about holding both at the same time without further traumatizing ourselves. If you need time and space to not be informed because you are spiraling or feeling overwhelmed please take that space for yourself. It is important to find a balance between being informed and not being overexposed.
Expect that you may need more rest and more time to take care of yourself. During unpredictable events, you might wonder why you don’t have the capacity to get everything done. Trauma and grief can definitely lower our window of capacity for things. This may look like not having enough energy to complete everything at work, feeling unmotivated, decreased concentration, harder to remembering things, or even being easily irritable or angry. These are very uncomfortable but also valid responses to what is going on in the world. So take it easy on yourself and take all the time you need.
Give yourself permission to grieve. We are allowed to grieve those we don’t know. You may feel like we are not allowed to do this but we totally can. WE’RE HUMAN. We care about innocent people who are killed and we care bout advocating and standing up for those who are affected especially marginalized populations. These events can also trigger our own personal grief and may elicit grieving for our own losses. So give yourself space to grieve.
Grieve together. Collective grief may need collective mourning. Check-in on friends, join a support group, validate each other’s grief, and let’s support each other.
Take action. But only if this feels right and helpful for you. I put this caveat because sometimes taking action is not helpful for someone and I do not want anyone to feel pressured to grieve in a specific way if it does not align with who they are. Taking action looks like donating, spreading credible information, activism, etc. Remember activism does not look one way. Focusing on what we can control can help with our own helplessness.
Seek professional help from a mental health professional. If you find yourself having a hard time navigating your days due to collective trauma or grief, please seek out professional help from someone who is trauma and grief-informed.
Times like these I do wish there were roadmaps to follow to navigate these difficult times. I am SO sorry that this is happening. It truly sucks and it is not fair.
Sending all my love, support, and hugs to you all <3.
Sources: CDC, Hirschberger, G. (2018). Collective trauma and the social construction of meaning. Frontiers in Psychology, 9. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01441
